Archive for June, 2007

Mommy’s girl…

June 13th, 2007 | Josie

A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend.  ~Author Unknown

As old as we get, there is always that time of the day that we wish we were five again, just so we could curl up in our mother’s lap and not worry about the world for a little while. The older we get, the less we have that opportunity. Our mother goes from mommy to friend, in a transition that often seems inexplicable.

Growing up, I raged against my mother from time to time. I resented her authority, that she felt she wshould be able to tell me what to do. Even when I knew that she was right, I would rebel against her advise. I often acused my mom of trying to turn me into “just a little her.” While it is true that I share many qualities with my mother (most admirable traits mixed in with one or two bad habits), I can now see that my mom never wanted me to be her. She wanted only for me to be the best me that I could be. She is, of course, disappointed when I don’t live up to my own standards, when I don’t “practice what I preach,” but she has never once stopped loving me.

She has been my best friend, and my worst critic. Sometimes, she is both at once. She is there for you when you fall, scolding you when you need it, and hugging you always. She is the mirror that you look to for guidence, the one person that you most want to impress. We are the reflections of our mother’s love, always.

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Time is slipping away…

June 12th, 2007 | Josie

Sometimes I feel that life is passing me by, not slowly either. It’s passing, yet I’m the one who’s doing all the moving.  ~Martin Amis

Time is nothing if not fickle. When we want it to speed up, say during a boring lecture, the minutes slow to hours. When we want it to slow down, give us time to enjoy what we have while we have it, it flashes by in the blink of an eye. Time is spiteful.

Right now I feel as though I am clinging to time, paying and hoping that it will slow down enough to let me savor these last few weeks with Leo. I just wish that I had more time. More time to laugh, more time to cuddle, more time to show him how much I care about him. What can I do? Why did I have to fall so maddeningly in love with someone that is so oblivious to how I feel, so scared of the emotion that he denies that it exists? The one time that I fall for someone kind, someone good, there is no time to nurture it. I just don’t know what to do.

I know that this is not going to be easy, that it is going to be down right impossible, but what can I do at this point but pray and try to make it work. I am far to deep in to just let go and not be hurt. How do I take back my heart, when all of me knows that it has been his since the start?

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