Archive for September, 2006

Sleepless in DE…

September 28th, 2006 | Josie

“A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.”  ~Charlotte Brontë

For some ungodly reason, I can’t seem to sleep in this country. I’ve been here almost 3 weeks, and I don’t think that I’ve had a single good night’s sleep in all of that time. Its definately starting to wear on me, on top of the fact that my brain is absolutely numb from the onslaught of German. Other than those two things, this is turning out to be a great experience. I can’t say enough how glad I am that I came, if only my sleep-deprived brain could find the words…

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Silver linings…

September 21st, 2006 | Josie

“Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.”  ~African Proverb

They found my suitcase floating around in the Berlin post office, and I couldn’t be happier. I was imagining it floating around somewhere in Singapore or Timbuktu. I won’t say it was a good experience, perse, but it wasn’t really a bad one either. Afterall, it forced me to figure out what size German bra I wear, and to learn to rely on others once in a while (for instance, when I didn’t have any shoes suitable for walking twelve and a half miles in Berlin). Life isn’t supposed to be easy, what would be the fun in that, and in the end I’m alive and I have my pictures and diary, so es macht’s nicht!

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Tightening My Shoes…

September 19th, 2006 | Josie

If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.  ~The Houghton Line

Things just go from bad to worse here. I woke up this morning, on time, and had one of those weird experiences where I knew that I was awake, but I felt like I was still asleep. The group I was supposed to meet had already left, so I tried to make it to the class building on my own. I feel that I should point out that I am rather known for getting hopelssly lost, so needless to say I wound up wandering around the middle of nowhere Magdeburg. After being repeatedly harassed by some guy who wasn’t speaking any language that I know (although at this point, my brain is so tired from straining to understand German that he might have been speaking perfect English and I wouldn’t have recognized it), I finally found my way to my class, an hour and half late, definately a wonderful first impression in this oh so punctual society. Feeling like a total moron, I struggled through my lectures, gleaning absolutely nothing about the European Union, which I’m pretty sure I was supposed to. At least the only way that this can get worse now is if I get hit by a car. Not that that hasn’t already happened before…

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Settling Down

September 18th, 2006 | Josie

Happiness is excitement that has found a settling down place.  But there is always a little corner that keeps flapping around.  ~E.L. Konigsburg

Well, we are finally settled into Magdeburg, I have access to my money, and my suitcase is hopefully here in a day or two, so here’s to crossing one’s fingers. I’m definately excited to be here, and admittedly, I haven’t really had time to be homesick, which is always good. Part of me is glad that we are settled, and the other misses the whirlwind of not knowing what we were going to do 3 minutes from now. I need to find a little place inbetween.

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Relocation and Forgetting…

September 7th, 2006 | Josie

“Promise me that you’ll never forget me because if I thought you would I’d never leave.” A.A. Milne

Saying goodbye is not something that I am unaccustomed to or unfamiliar with. Life is full of goodbyes, hard goodbyes and easy ones, ones that make you cry, ones that make you nostalgic, and even, once in a while, ones that make you feel relieved. Growing up in the Air Force meant that goodbyes were a regular occurrence for me, some harder than others, but never unexpected. I have spent my life making friends and leaving, packing and unpacking my belongings, and never being phased by the constant change and unending adjustments. Most children hate moving, but I never did. When my dad would come home to say that we were moving yet again, all I could contemplate was the opportunity to meet new people and see new places, rather than the fear of leaving the known world behind me. I applied to study abroad with this mentality in mind. I had moved a million times before, gone to more new schools than I can count, why would this year be any different. Now, however, only 4 days until I leave for a year in Europe, I find myself straddling the line between excited and terrified. I lay awake last night, trying to figure out why this move scares me more than any of the others every have before. I thought perhaps that I was going for the wrong reasons, to run away from my insecurities and uncertainties, rather than to find something. I think that maybe this is or has been true, but I don’t think that this is the reason that I find myself upset by the prospect of yet another upheaval. After a while, I realized that it wasn’t so much that I’m scared to move again, but that I am scared to do it alone. No matter where I went as a child, my family was always right there. I had my parents for support, and 3 built-in best friends in my sisters. This is the first time in my life that I will truly be on my own in the world, independant. I have longed my whole life for that independance, and now that it literally stares me in the face, I am scared to jump.

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