Archive for the ‘Rest’ Category

Dreaming deep…

March 2nd, 2007 | Josie

All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.  ~Elias Canetti

I have found that there are weeks and weeks when I don’t dream at all, then there are nights when I have dreams that I cannot even begin to interpret.

I successfully slept for 17 hours last night, and woke up more confused than I have ever been in my life. I don’t even remember what the dream was about, I just woke up feeling the most enormous void in my life. How can I begin to fill a void when I don’t know what it is that needs to be filled?

I have always felt safe in sleep. Aside from rare nightmares, I can usually excape into emotional oblivion within the realms of dreamless sleep. Not really sure what such a dream means to the grand scheme of my life, but it does take away one of my few safe havens.

Just resting…

October 2nd, 2006 | Josie

“How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward.”~Spanish Proverb

 

When I was younger, my mom called them “mantal health days,” those days where you skip school or work or whatever other obligations that you have and just do whatever strikes your fancy. Sometimes this entails doing nothing but lying on the couch reading a book, taking breaks only to use the bathroom and, if you remember, to eat. Other days it meant running around the house like a chicken with its head cut off, doing a million projects at once. Every couple of months I would go into my parents room and inform my mom that I didn’t feel like going to school. Where other parents might have rejected this as lazy, my mom simply asked if I had a test (which I never lied about, since that would have put my mental health days in jepordy), and said to enjoy myself. Without these days, I don’t think that I would have made it through high school in one piece (which, admittedly, I almost didn’t anyways). 

Since arriving in Europe, my life seems to have been one giant blur. We are always going, going, going. I don’t function well like that. It really has nothing to do with stress as much as it has to do with me needing to collect my thoughts and center myself. When I was growing up everyone thought I was outgoing, and most of the time I am, but there are days when I just need to be alone, days when I don’t even want to talk to other people, or listen to them talk. I just want to turn off and simply exist, let the world turn without me for a while.